What will they think of next??

Turns out stitches are not always a necessary evil (evil in my world because I hate needles and anything else that remotely resembles them). They can glue you back together now. Theres something called dermabond, which you can get instead of stitches if you stop bleeding fast enough. And in the case of my super healing knee, I got the glue. Woohoo. No stitches. Although I did have to get a tetnus shot... I guess you can't win them all... but at least I didn't have to get sewn up.